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This post is from Grown and Flown.

by Allison Williams

August feels like yesterday and also a million miles away. High hopes, big dreams, and a picturesque vision of college life. And then the reality sets in. It was different than you or your student envisioned, harder than expected, building relationships was awkward for them, newfound independence led them to trouble, physical and mental health issues caused a disruption, they thought they could do it without accommodations, and now they need them.

So now we are here at the end of the semester, and your excited, optimistic first-year student is feeling anxious, depressed, depleted, incapable, lonely, on a leave of absence, or finding your way out of conduct sanctions. You must be the only one…

Three things I know for sure about first-year college students’ struggles

1. Your student is not alone

First-time undergraduate freshmen have a 12-month dropout rate of 24.1% in the United States, according to educationdata.com. I can hear you saying, “Wait, what?! But my student was a really strong high school student with good grades, solid test scores, and friends…” Yes, and transition is no joke for anyone, especially 18-year-olds, post-pandemic, in a new place with new lingo, unfamiliar rules, and a lot of newfound free time!

2. The setback they have experienced this fall is NOT a sign that they CANNOT do it!

However, your student may need a new approach, different strategies, and wrap-around support to re-find their footing!

3. There are a handful of challenges that commonly plague new students

There are likely internal messages on repeat that are chipping away at their self-confidence. As a result, we have to deconstruct those thoughts and rebuild them in a different frame.

The most common issues that first years experience

1. Academic under-performance

Maybe your student expected the same high marks they got in high school, or they are finishing the term with an academic warning or on academic probation. As a result, they may say, “I don’t have what it takes, I’m not smart enough, everyone knows more than I or I worked hard and have nothing to show for all those hours in the library.”

So what now: If your student met their College’s admissions standards, they likely have what it takes. But they may need to engage in new study habits, enhance their executive functioning and organizational skills, learn to take notes differently, or re-think how they manage their time. These are doable and say absolutely nothing about your student’s IQ or knowledge of Intro to Philosophy.

2. Loneliness/isolation

If either challenged your student this semester, I imagine they may be tired of signing up for random events, attending hall programs, and standing at the back of a room on their phone pretending they aren’t entirely alone. Maybe they had a horrible roommate situation or have been rejected from some group they wanted to be part of. All of it has likely led to feeling an overwhelming lack of belonging.

So what now: They may need to re-evaluate how they connected with others, or in a few select cases, they may assess if a different environment might be better for them. It is also helpful for them to define what they are looking for in relationships, where they might be found on campus, and how to make their way into those different spaces.

Most importantly, I sense they feel like the “only one” who hasn’t made friends or isn’t out having the time of their lives every night. Social media and our fear of missing out lead us to these thoughts. The reality is MANY students don’t find their people until the second semester or even sophomore year, and more students than they realize feel very similar!

3. Conduct issues

So your student messed up…maybe they messed up…and now they feel embarrassed or need to walk on eggshells to avoid further issues. They might worry you will never forgive them or that they may have forever ruined their college “record.”

So what now: College is about learning…not just in the classroom, but everywhere, which certainly includes learning from your mistakes. While it may feel like it right this second, this is not the end of the world, and how they respond now is what will truly define them.

That starts with taking responsibility and repairing any harm they have caused. Then, we need to start helping them develop a plan to avoid making the same mistake twice! After that, it is time to help them forgive themselves and start moving forward wiser, stronger, and more caring than before this incident.

4. Medical or personal leaves of absence due to health/mental health and/or personal crisis

If your student is currently at home on leave, you (and they) might not realize it, but they are right where they are supposed to be. However, their brain may tell them, “I am so behind because of this, and I will never catch up. I have missed out on everything.” And honestly, “Am I healthy enough to go back yet?!” I get it. This is not the timeout they imagined, taking them off the meticulously planned timeline they expected.

So what now: Colleges have policies to address these very issues. Priority one is your student’s physical and mental health. Let’s start by talking about treatment options. Then, help them take a deep breath and realize that twists and unexpected turns like this are all part of life.

Taking time to prioritize their health is far more critical than just pushing through. Instead, while they are at home, guide them to consider the most critical steps they need to take in support of their long-term well-being.

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